The Spreadsheet That Helped Me Keep My Cool
Most of the time, what we learn in English class feels disconnected from the “real world.” We read famous poems, talk about metaphors, and then forget most of it the second the final bell rings.
But recently, I decided to take a different approach. I took one of the most famous poems in history—Rudyard Kipling’s “If”—and decided to treat it like a technical manual for my life. Instead of just admiring the words, I wanted to actually live them.
The poem describes the ultimate “Grown Up”—someone who stays level-headed when everyone else is losing their minds and blaming them for it. One specific line stuck with me: “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same…”
The 90% Rule
To make this real, I did something a little nerdy: I created a spreadsheet. Every time something major happened in my life—whether it was a win (Triumph) or a setback (Disaster)—I tracked my emotional reaction. My goal was to hit a 90% pass ratio. I wanted 9 out of 10 of my responses to be based on logic and calm rather than panic or anger.
I call this “Defaulting to Your Level of Training.” You don’t magically become a hero when things get bad; you just do what you’ve practiced doing.
Recently, that “training” was put to the ultimate real-world test.
The Call Every Parent Dreads
A few weeks ago, in February 2026, my phone rang. It was my 17-year-old son. He had wrecked his car.
We live in Gilbert, Arizona. When I arrived at the scene, the air had that sharp, dry desert chill. I saw two police cars parked nearby. My son’s car was in a parking lot next to the accident, looking rough with blown tires and a wrecked suspension. I also saw an electrical box belonging to CenturyLink that had been tipped over by the impact.
If you’ve ever been in a wreck, you know the feeling. Your heart races, you start thinking about the money, and you’re probably waiting for your parents to start yelling.
The “IF Man” Response
As an insurance professional, my brain immediately started calculating the “Curse of Knowledge”—the boring but expensive stuff most people don’t think about.
- Property Damage: I knew CenturyLink would come after our insurance company to pay for that electrical box.
- No Safety Net: We had intentionally skipped “Collision Coverage” on his car because the insurance for a teenage driver is already sky-high. That meant the $4,000 for repairs and tickets was coming straight out of our pockets.
Instead of losing my temper, I chose what I call Assertive Diplomacy. I stayed calm, spoke respectfully to the officers, and helped my son navigate the situation.
My son took my lead. He sat in his car, looking at his phone, and emerged showing only small signs of being shaken up. He was respectful and honest with the police.
The officers complimented his behavior. They told me they could have charged him with a criminal misdemeanor for reckless driving, but they chose to give him a regular ticket because of how calm and respectfully he responded.
Why the Spreadsheet Mattered
We spent two hours on the side of that road waiting for a tow truck. It ruined my workday and cost us a lot of money. My son eventually had his license suspended.
By any definition, this was a “Disaster.” But I wasn’t thinking about my spreadsheet. I was just being the person I’d trained to be. Because I spent months tracking my reactions and practicing “Kipling-style” stoicism, my brain didn’t default to anger. It defaulted to logic.
The Lesson for You
In my book, Influencer Networking Secrets, I talk about being a Curator. Usually, that means choosing your friends and business partners wisely. But this experience taught me that the most important thing you can “curate” is your own mind.
You are going to face “Disasters.” You might fail a test, lose a job, or get into a fender bender. Society isn’t going to move out of the way just because you’re having a bad day.
The question is: what is your “default” setting?
If you want to become a leader, you have to practice your reactions before the crisis hits. Whether you use a spreadsheet, a journal, or just 30 seconds of deep breathing, you have to train your emotions.
You don’t rise to the occasion. You default to your level of training.
Selah